Courtesy of Bunk Blog.

If you have spent any amount of time aimlessly wandering around campus for something to do, you‰’ve probably come across a copy of The Beagle. In case you haven‰’t had the pleasure of finding this gem, its American‰’s premier (and unofficial) satire publication. The Tough Crowd was lucky enough to get an exclusive interview with one of the founders for our return to our usual format. Since The Beagle is anonymous, this interview was conducted via email and our inside source choose to stay unidentified.

TC: What is your position at The Beagle and what do you do in that position?

Anon: I’m the co-founder/co-editor/writer of The Beagle.

How many people currently work on The Beagle? Why is it so secretive?

Three staffers and an intern. And because we don’t want anyone crushing the vibes.

Music time! What was the first concert you ever went to?

The first concert I ever went to was a My Chemical Romance concert in which Alkaline Trio and Reggie and the Full Effect opened. It was awesome, but I don’t think I appreciated the magnitude of that lineup at the time because I was in 7th grade.

Did your mom drive you?

My friend’s dad drove, but my dad came along, pretty cool boys’ night out.

You have 5 minutes to think of a musically related satire article topic. What would it be?

Probably, “Music Fan Outraged that his Favorite Band is Finding Success” or “Music Blogger Eager to Denounce [insert band name here] Upon Announcing Reunion.”

What’s your favorite beagle article so far and why?

Uh I can’t think of a favorite, it’s like trying to pick your favorite child when you’re really tired of all your children. Either the “Student Stops Waving at Kid he Met at Orientation” one or any of the ones in which Republicans are the butt of every joke because they always throw little fits.

Example:

What’s the worst record you’ve ever bought?

The worst record I’ve ever bought, that’s a tough one. Not the objectively “worst” album, but in summer of 2007 Silverstein’s Arrivals and Departures came out. Since their 2005 release Discovering the Waterfront was pretty much my favorite thing on earth (and still is), my expectations were really high. I made my mom drive me to Wal-Mart to buy it and I got it and I have never been more underwhelmed in my life – it’s so average. Even in recent interviews they say the producer of that album, Mark Trombino, was a total dick during the recording of that album. So it’s not the worst album, but just my saddest experience of getting an underwhelming album.

What are your goals for The Beagle?

My goals for The Beagle are to selfishly use it to help me get a job writing comedy. As for The Beagle itself, we hope to find some current sophomores/juniors to take it over and have it still be a thing after we all graduate in May. That would be so cool, unless it devolved into clickbait or became an actual sanctioned club.

If you could have a band and name it anything you wanted what would you name it?

As for band names, I always think of sick band names but since I’m talentless I never remember them because I’d have no use. If I were to be in a band I’d want it to be an ultra-ignorant hardcore band but I’d call it “GROUND BEEF” because I think that’s the dumbest sounding thing on earth.

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The Beagle can usually be found in Battelle and The Dav and is usually circulated on Mondays. If you’re interested they’re open for submissions at [email protected].