Courtesy of MTV.

Have you ever wanted to direct a music video for a song you loved more than life itself, but have neither the money nor actual skill to do so? Me too. It sucks, so I wrote up a basic synopsis of some imaginary videos for songs I listen to on repeat.

1. Taylor Swift, “Wonderland”

Definitively the best song off 1989, “Wonderland‰” parodies Alice‰’s story with a similarly blonde-haired blue-eyed heroine. The music video would start out with Taylor and an unknown male (who is definitely Harry Styles). Tay and Unknown Man are walking around NYC, feeding the ducks by the pond in Central Park, living their lives when suddenly, things start changing before their eyes. Everything is technicolor; buildings become weird arching flowers, the duck pond becomes an ocean. Taylor‰’s wearing an updated Alice outfit and unknown man is in his “long hair, white t-shirt‰” uniform. In the second verse — and I‰’m very excited about this — they‰’re having a picnic by the now ocean and we get a POV shot from the vibrant green bushes. The “plants‰” are actually morphing into black paparazzi cameras with mouths. It‰’s a metaphor, you see, for Taylor Swift‰’s infamous relationship with Harry Styles. The vibe of the music video will be extreme beauty tinged with terror and paranoia and it will be a modern masterpiece.

2. Ke$ha, “Warrior” 

This one is pretty obvious, right? A huge glitter war, young and hip Animals versus The Man dressed in black gas masks. Duh. Ke$ha is going to be in the lead, giving her St. Crispin‰’s Day Speech to the masses of young rebels. So. Much. Glitter. In their outfits, in their weapons, littering the air. The best part will be the bridge where they‰’re all underwater somehow and it looks like the rebels are going to lose everything. They‰’re being drowned out and incurring glitter wounds too tough to heal. But suddenly, a huge (INSERT MYTHOLOGICAL SEA CREATURE HERE) comes upon Ke$ha who, by this point, has begun to profusely bleed glitter. The sea creature lifts Ke$ha up on its body at the peak of the bridge and everyone rallies. The last shot will be one of victory over a barren wasteland. The legions of The Man will have dissolved into piles of black clothing and gas masks and the small band of rebels will rejoice, raising their makeshift glitter guns to the air in victory.

3. One Direction, “Alive” 

“Alive‰” is basically about sex positivity, which is surprising and not (sort of, because One Direction is normally quite possessive of their sexual partners). To start off the video, pan in on Zayn Malik, talking to a psychiatrist with a pillow over part of his beautiful face. It‰’s a classic psychiatrist‰’s office, fainting couch and everything. Suddenly, at the first chorus, the rest of One Direction pop up behind the psychiatrist, lip syncing along: “Hey! It‰’s alright, does it make you feel alive?‰” In the next scene, a random girl is getting on the tube in London. She‰’s listening to “Alive‰” on her iPhone, feeling restless about her place in the world and its societal expectations for her body. To make matters worse, there‰’s an indefinite delay in the train schedule. Suddenly, she looks over to her left and sees Niall Horan grinning at her. To her right is Harry Styles. As the rousing chorus begins, she and her newly kindled friendships with the random One Direction members around her lead everyone in the tube station to a desire for revolution. So they do the logical thing and jump into the train tracks, yelling the chorus in unison. They march out into the sunlight and all is well. Several confused-looking tube workers are featured in the latter half of the video.

4.  Avril Lavigne, “Anything but Ordinary‰Û

There‰’s already a music video for this one, but my idea is so much better: the best the official video does is have Avril Lavigne beat up a guy in a hot dog costume. So, yawn. Mostly, my music video will feature an incredibly manic-looking Avril Lavigne. She‰’ll start out in a bed, staring fiendishly at the camera. She‰’ll begin to laugh and as it grows more hysterical, she will close her eyes and drift into a deep, laughter-filled sleep. Cut to Avril Lavigne holding a round piece of cardboard fashioned into a makeshift steering wheel, running around a meadow as fast as she can. Everything is a construction, my friends. “Knock me off my feet,‰” she‰’ll yell at unsuspecting people. “Come on now, give it to me!‰” I know what you‰’re all wondering. What will she do for the “somebody rip my heart out and leave me here to bleed” part? Literally that, of course. Some random person will rip her heart out and walk away. And then she‰’ll get up and follow them. Because she‰’s Avril fucking Lavigne.